Today has been a hot busy day. The busier the better as far as I am concerned. I received my packet from the reconstructive surgeon today which makes reconstruction even more real. That makes going thru removal (I shudder when I say removal) much more acceptable.
It's very interesting how my mind (and I am assuming I am like most women in this situation) works. Up until last night I had pretty much said to myself, "Let's get rid of this cancer, do what has to be done and then I will be rid of it and go on with my normal life." However reality broke thru and I had to accept that, to a certain degree, I will be "dealing" with this in one way or another for the rest of my life. When I finally acknowledged that, it was a shock and, as usual, I just wanted it to go away (I am sensing a theme here!)!! In reality I know it won't go away so I am trying to acknowledge it several times a day so I can come to some sort of peace with it - sounds good but I am finding it's not easy. I have this running dialogue with myself....LITTLE SUZI says, "No not me. I want it to go away!!!!!" GROWNUP SUZI says, "No it's not going away so get over it, accept it and get on with it" Boy I am really glad people can't hear what I am thinking. I do have a little cry every day and Bob either tears up with me or hugs me tight and pats me on the back............Bless him!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, June 30, 2008
Sunday, June 29, 2008
June 29th
Well Saturday was a good day and evening. We attended a West Coast Workshop sponsored by Beth Trost. She brought Jim Minty in and everyone learned very good technique in West Coast. Bob and I attended the dinner dance and had a wonderful time. We danced and danced until our feet finally had had enough. However, the spirit wanted to "keep on dancin". I am always happy when I am dancing. What great therapy. All of our dance friends have been so wonderful to us.
I cannot believe how many women have shared their personal story of breast cancer with me already and I had no idea. It bolsters me up and makes me know I can handle what is to come - hopefully with as much spunk and grace as they have. I hate this disease. It is so harsh and steals parts of our bodies and then we must put ourselves back together again just like Humpty Dumpty. That just sucks!!!!!!!!!!!
Today was a good day. I actually slept last night- I am sure due to all the physical activity. We went to the gym and worked out this morning. This evening we went for a 2 mile walk with Padme. The wind had started to blow so it seemed wild and lovely.
Bob is helping me with the boat Annette and I will race in the boat race at Floating Woman. What would I do without him. He has been right beside me all the way and I know will be. That knowledge is priceless and so very comforting. It amazes me to know we have been together 48 years (five years dating and 43 years married). How did the time pass so quickly?? It seems as though we have always been together - well all but 14 years we have.
I cannot believe how many women have shared their personal story of breast cancer with me already and I had no idea. It bolsters me up and makes me know I can handle what is to come - hopefully with as much spunk and grace as they have. I hate this disease. It is so harsh and steals parts of our bodies and then we must put ourselves back together again just like Humpty Dumpty. That just sucks!!!!!!!!!!!
Today was a good day. I actually slept last night- I am sure due to all the physical activity. We went to the gym and worked out this morning. This evening we went for a 2 mile walk with Padme. The wind had started to blow so it seemed wild and lovely.
Bob is helping me with the boat Annette and I will race in the boat race at Floating Woman. What would I do without him. He has been right beside me all the way and I know will be. That knowledge is priceless and so very comforting. It amazes me to know we have been together 48 years (five years dating and 43 years married). How did the time pass so quickly?? It seems as though we have always been together - well all but 14 years we have.
Saturday, June 28, 2008
June 28th
I should have put in more of the facts in the earlier posting but I just plain ole got carried away. I am going to have my mastectomy at Virginia Mason in Seattle on June 16th. I am at the point I will just be glad to have it over and move on with whatever lays ahead.
I have lucked out and will get to go to our annual "Floating Woman" camping weekend. It is such a happy time and I was dreading missing it. For those of you who don't know about it, it started with our 40th wedding anniversary and everyone had such a good time Reagen kept it going only in the middle of the summer. If you are interested in the site it is www.floatingwoman.com .
Tonight we dance. I love it!!
I have lucked out and will get to go to our annual "Floating Woman" camping weekend. It is such a happy time and I was dreading missing it. For those of you who don't know about it, it started with our 40th wedding anniversary and everyone had such a good time Reagen kept it going only in the middle of the summer. If you are interested in the site it is www.floatingwoman.com .
Tonight we dance. I love it!!
June 25th
Okay let's just get this said right up front, having cancer SUCKS!!! (Now I feel better!) I feel totally obsessed by all of this. It"s something I was convinced I would never have to worry about. How wrong can you be!
I am writing this not only to let those interested know what is happening with me but as therapy also. Our son-in-law Richie (the computer genius) suggested this blog to me and I am so grateful. I have such a wonderful family!
This has already been quite a journey and I am just beginning. June 3rd when I was told I have breast cancer in my right breast I was blown away. In the time since then I have been treated wonderfully by everyone. I have had mammograms, biopsies, an MRI, ultrasounds, xrays and blood tests. The only thing the medical professionals haven't done is turn me up-side-down and shake me to see if the breast would fall off. Anyway, the upshot of it all is it has to go. Now I am not happy about it but I know they are right. (I have a good boob gone bad!) Most of the time I feel I can handle it. Then there are those times I want to do what I did when I was a little girl and the doctor was making a housecall because I was so sick. I ran and hid under my bed way back in the corner so no one could touch me (or so I thought) and scream, cry and yell to make it all go away. It sounds good even if it isn't terribly rational!
WOW you know I have never been able to keep a journal because I felt so exposed but this is great. Thank you Richie for taking such good care of me!! More later....
I am writing this not only to let those interested know what is happening with me but as therapy also. Our son-in-law Richie (the computer genius) suggested this blog to me and I am so grateful. I have such a wonderful family!
This has already been quite a journey and I am just beginning. June 3rd when I was told I have breast cancer in my right breast I was blown away. In the time since then I have been treated wonderfully by everyone. I have had mammograms, biopsies, an MRI, ultrasounds, xrays and blood tests. The only thing the medical professionals haven't done is turn me up-side-down and shake me to see if the breast would fall off. Anyway, the upshot of it all is it has to go. Now I am not happy about it but I know they are right. (I have a good boob gone bad!) Most of the time I feel I can handle it. Then there are those times I want to do what I did when I was a little girl and the doctor was making a housecall because I was so sick. I ran and hid under my bed way back in the corner so no one could touch me (or so I thought) and scream, cry and yell to make it all go away. It sounds good even if it isn't terribly rational!
WOW you know I have never been able to keep a journal because I felt so exposed but this is great. Thank you Richie for taking such good care of me!! More later....
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