August 30th

Well it is now the 30th and I am still waiting to hear about the last test on the tumor. I finally called and the doctor's office said I should hear the results today or the beginning of next week. I was getting uptight about the results but had a long talk with myself and have put it out of my mind (as much as is possible) and am assuming the results will be like all the rest. As always I am really hoping there will be no chemo!!!
I turned 63 (did I really say 63?!) this week. Where has the time gone. Mentally I am only about 37 or 38. I am working hard to never grow old mentally. I want to enjoy every moment. I have such a loving and supportive husband and family and my friends make life so good. I am a very fortunate person!!

August 20th

Well life goes on and it has been good to me. I am still waiting for the outcome of one last test to see if I have to do chemo. I have never been a patient person so this is definitely a lesson in patience.
Meanwhile we have had a visit from longtime friends and what a wonderful time. We talked and laughed and mainly just enjoyed each other. To know there are people who care is so wonderful.
I definitely have had my down times lately. I am so grateful for the positive outcome of the tests so far; however, I have to look at myself in the mirror and right now that is difficult. Part of me is gone. I think everything that has taken place is finally totally sinking in. I am happy and I am sad. Each side fights to take over. I frankly am pushing for the happy side!

August 10th

I now have only one breast. In some ways that is very hard to accept. On the other hand, as I said before, I must look at it as getting rid of the cancer which makes it far easier to accept. I know in the back of my mind I will always worry some that perhaps it will return somewhere else. However, I have always believed we have only one life and that I should make the most of every minute of it. I feel that even more now. My test results are so good and I love it. I just don't want to waste a minute of my life being negative. As a result, when negative thoughts start creeping in, I picture myself actually physically kicking them out. I must remember that, with the help of a good doctor and a positive outcome, the breast can be rebuilt (which frankly I find amazing!). It will never be the same and it will be painful and take lots of patience to achieve, but for me it will be a constant reminder of all the positive things in my life even though I don't deny shit happens. My constant mantra must always be LIFE IS GOOD!

August 9th

I am a very happy person. I saw Dr. Pender yesterday at 4pm. She is the oncologist for the Virginia Mason Breast Clinic. As of now she does not recommend chemotherapy; however, she is having one more genetic test done on the tumor. It is a test on the aggressiveness of the tumor (the largest of the three). If the test results are low or intermediate, she will not recommend chemo. If otherwise, we will discuss the possibility. I feel very fortunate to have such a good outcome.
As for followup, I will be checked every six months and have blood tests run.
Unfortunately the liquid is gathering in my breast and underarm area again so we will stay over until Monday to hopefully have it drained. I am hoping this won't happen too many times. However, it is a small price to pay! Life is good!

August 8th

It's drained - yeah!! Bob and I went at 8AM this morning to see Dr Wechter and to have my incision area asperated. Wow what a difference! The doctor was very pleased with how I am progressing but said I might have to have it drained again. We will see.
The weather here in Seattle is wonderful. I love getting out for a walk. Oz is talking so much now and reminds me a lot of Winda at that age.
Tomorrow I talk to the oncologist to see what she recommends. Whatever we need to do we will do. Life is good

August 6th

We are heading to Seattle today, earlier than we had planned. I have liquid that has gathered just below my incision and it's quite uncomfortable. I have been assured it isn't causing any problem, just pain. The team at Virginia Mason is wonderful. I called and they are working me in tomorrow morning to drain it. It won't take but a short time to aspirate it and then on with healing. Friday I will have my appointment with the oncologist.
I doing very well but am anxious to take care of this problem.

August 4th

Later this week I go to Seattle to see both the surgeon who performed the mastectomy and the oncologist. I know I will take hormone therapy for five years. I am waiting to see if I need chemotherapy. Either way I worry. I believe worry will always try to rear it's ugly head. If I do have to have chemo, it's "Oh no, let's just get thru this" and then build myself back up for reconstruction. If I don't have to do chemo, then it's "Wow that's great but have I done everything I can to prevent cancer from returning?" These are some of the thoughts I am sure most cancer patients have. I know my test results were very good and I am so very grateful for that but there is always fear of the unknown. Most of the time I'm very upbeat and positive - on top of the situation. However, sometimes, for just a few minutes, the situation climbs on top of me!

August 1

I love dancing. I love Friday night dancing. For me dancing, talking, laughing and caring about the other dancers is all part of the package. Bob and I went dancing for the first time since the mastectomy last night and I had a wonderful time. Even though right now I feel terribly different (one breast shy), it really doesn't make any difference. I felt very loved and cherished which is wonderful. It is really good to be loved by your family and friends!!